I visited the doctor yesterday, thanks to a wicked shoulder injury that has been plaguing me for, oh, the last 17-18 years. As always, my doctor and the nurses asked me if my husband and I have any trips coming up (because we usually do), and I gave them a brief rundown of our next vacation. Standing nearby was a woman who, after hearing me express excitement at the idea of being able to swim with sting rays again, made a face and, appearing genuinely distressed, asked, “How do you keep the sting rays from hurting your kids?” The conversation that followed went something like this:
Me: “Well, I don’t have any kids, for one thing. And for another, sting rays aren’t aggressive creatures in the slightest. They’re completely docile.”
Woman: “You don’t have kids? What’s wrong with you?”
Me: *exchanging glance with nurses* “Beg pardon?”
Woman (from here on out, known as “Momzilla”): “You’re a woman and you don’t have kids. Why not? Kids are precious gifts from god! Life is not complete without kids!”
Me: “Really? I think life is not complete without living it the way each individual sees fit for themselves. My husband and I love to travel. We love being able to go and come as we please. I have no desire to clean butts for years, sink 93% of my life’s savings into Mattel products, or stress every day about whether or not I’m permanently screwing up another human being. If you’re happy doing all of that, more power to you. I’m not.”
Momzilla: “So can you just not have kids or something?”
Me: “Are you serious?”
Nurse (who is a terrific Mom, and has great kids, and knows I don’t want any for myself): “So, Hope, tell me what to buy to be able to dye my hair your color…”
…….
Here’s the thing, boys and girls. I’m not opposed to people having children. I don’t hate children. I have a nephew, and I positively adore him. He’s great. I have friends with children, and they’re terrific. My friends are awesome parents, and they’ll raise awesome kids. Heck, I compulsively check one friend’s kid-blog for updates on her son, because by his third week of life he was already cooler than I (artist for a mom, musician for a dad, there’s no competing with that!) I like being an aunt, both official and unofficial. But I have no desire to be a mother. It’s just not in my DNA. When I was younger, sure. I thought I’d be a mom. Why? Because I was a girl, and girls were moms, and I never gave it much thought otherwise. Once I started getting older, though, and realized that even the simple thought of pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing made me vaguely nauseated and annoyed, I figured out that motherhood just would not be in the best interests of me or any kid unfortunate enough to have me for a mom.
So why does this offend people? Why do momzillas seem to take personally the fact that I don’t want to become one of them? Deal with it, I just don’t. I give incredible kudos to those people in the world who are able to be terrific parents with amazing kids. Keep up the good work. Not all moms are momzillas. Not all kids are brats. But I’ll guarantee you that every momzilla has a brat. And every reluctant mother has a child who isn’t loved half as much as it should be. I’m in that second category, and I recognize this fact. Isn’t it better that I acknowledge this, and don’t do that to a child?
Both my parents wanted me and my brother, and they doted on us like mad. Things weren’t always perfect (know any family that is? Pshaw–not with teenagers around!) but we always knew we were loved and wanted. Knowing that feeling, why in the world would I condemn a child to anything less than that, by having one myself? Sorry, I may be selfish, but I’m not cruel. No matter how many people think I should be just because of my procreational abilities.
Okay, rant over. Moving on 
That woman would have made me say something about unwanted children, and ask her if she had read “a child called It”. Good on you for standing up for yourself and not being cowed by her. You are a great person and even more great for recognising what you need (or don’t need) to BE that great person. You are the sort of person I would like as a role model for my kids