Hope Darby Writings

Living in Alabama as I do, I have had the dubious pleasure of seeing Tim James’ campaign videos. One of his biggest beefs: that Alabamian driving tests are administered in languages other than English. He’s not mad because they’re only offered in other languages, just that the option exists at all. He isn’t alone in this ridiculous gripe. Millions of Americans huff indignantly when an automated voice asks them to, “Press 1 for English,” and righteously proclaim, “If you want to live in America, learn the language!”

This amuses me, it really does. Why? Because English-speakers rarely speak actual English. They butcher it. They abbreviate it. They see “grammar” as something debateable and unnecessary. Bad spelling isn’t seen as a fault, it’s seen as a humorous trait. Grown adults can’t figure out the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.” Emails are scattered with semicolon-dash-parentheses notations of smiley faces, used liberally in order to express intent. It’s much easier, after all, to tack on a graphic than to attempt to clearly convey your thoughts through words. Txt-speak is rampant. We abbreviate words that have no need for being abbreviated. “You” becomes “u.” “Too,” “to,” and “two” are all represented numerically: “Me 2!” “Meet u @ 2!” and “Going 2 bed.”

Even funnier are the rancid accents often used by the “Speaka da language” folks. What to see irony in action? Watch a redneck lecture immigrants on how to speak English.

Am I guilty of bad grammar? Sure, probably more often than I care to admit. Grammatical mistakes are perfectly reasonable. “If  y’all wanna live in America, learn to talk American!” is not.